My inability to convince people is probably the biggest thing i hate about myself. I dun boss around. I dun like to influence or change people's decision. I respect people's decision most of the time unless I feel like I really have to challenge. Take Shih Hao for example. That joker is sleeping day and night. When he has nothing to do, he will just go and sleep. Can you imaging, that chap is able to go to sleep at 8p.m. and wake up at 7 the next morning (Hands up those that still enjoy this kind of living style since he/she left primary school!!?!?!?!?! ). He is sleeping too much, he knows it. He is constantly in a dreamy state. Whenever I talk to him, he is not there. Not say because I am boring him out or anything lahz....... It is like he talk to me, I reply him, but he did not get my reply, coz he is dreamy. Even he acknowledge that fact and he know it is not good for his brain and his body. So wat is a friend to do??? I try to tell him not to sleep that much, I ask him to do something, ANYTHING instead of sleeping. but he refuse to listen, so what can I do??? the ultimate decision is still up to him. I SUCK at convincing people. and I hate it...
So why am I talking about this??? Coz yesterday, I got two piece of info. One is that a friend got into trouble with the parents, and another is a decision my junior has made. Seriously, I cannot agree with what both of them are doing and I really feel like slapping their face to wake them up. So, again, since my arms not long enough, I tried to convince them. Obviously I was not really successful lahz.... which is to be expected. Coz that friend of mine, it seems that quarrelling is our way of communication. Everytime we talk, we end up quarrelling. and I never win. NEVER....(this is so depressing for a MCP like me....) So this time round, failing to convince that friend is expected. but it doesn't mean I am going to feel nothing since it has happened so many times. I am a little depress. I like to think that I can help a person when ever I can, or make a difference in a person's life. For this case, I wish to do just that, coz i think whatever judgement my friend made is clouded by emotions and what is need here is someone to think rationally and explain things a little. Yes... I dun think my explanations got through at all.
As for that junior of mine..... I dun really know the result so far...... but by telling me the decision he had made, I was clear that all the things I had try to get across to him when he was still under me was no successful. He is making a very basic mistake which I had told all my juniors countless times (esp to him...) There is absolutely no reason for him to make such a decision. I am really really disappointed. I dun think I am a person that think very highly of myself. I think I know what is my ability and what I had achieved and I don't try to exaggerate them. I had, for the past two years, believed that I had made a small difference in my juniors' life... I did what I could for them. I taught them everything I know. I really thought I made a small difference in their life... but obviously I was wrong... very wrong. This reality is even harder to swallow than not being able to convince my friend. I really took pride in those juniors. They were very good bunch of kids. I really enjoyed my time with them. All that I did was show them the way to do things and they were so good, doing all the things I taught them and they exceeded my expectation for them.
Haha... I am one super depressed human being in this world. I really hope what my junior is going through is not a good reflection of things... and that he will rise up to the occasion again. I also hope that my friend will think about all the things I had said. I mean no harm. I am just trying to help. There is this chinese that goes something like "see the road not flat, drew the sword out to help"... I think for me, it may be the opposite... hahaha... it is "drew the sword out to help, and the road becomes unflat"... my ability to mess things up is incredible... and as usual, I am not exaggerating.
Gloria Illustris Semper (Glory Shining Forth)
posted by David at 8/07/2002 01:35:00 AM