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Thursday, December 26, 2002
The Tank Rolls Into NYC Today!!!
posted by David at 12/26/2002 10:36:00 AM
Wednesday, December 25, 2002
THE TANK ROLLS INTO NEW YORK ON THE 26th DEC till 2nd JAN
Will soon be on my way to the BIG APPLE!!! YIPPEE!!! I CAN'T WAIT... feel like screaming.... really... this term is such a disaster that i just want to throw them all behind... leave this dead boring town of Ann Arbor.. go out have some fun... then come back to with a vengence next term to kick some ass... yes... i need a break... getting burnt out in the middle of the term is not fun at all... hahhaahh
But then again... the weather is a big worry... snow started again... well... just in time for a white Christmas... but visibility out there on the road is just horrible... i hope everything will clear out by the time we move out so that we have a safe journey...
Since i can't drive, i am now the designated map reader... a.k.a the navigator... yes... and i am good... for past record pls refer to my Dad... hahahha... i am good... and i am serious... i like reading maps and move around..... really feel like you are on a trip and having an adventure of your lifetime... heehee... not like sitting in a tour bus and get shipped around... hahaha... yes yes... i can't wait... i can't wait... BRING IT ON MAN!!! YIPPEE!!!!
posted by David at 12/25/2002 02:22:00 AM
Thursday, December 12, 2002
This song is all the more close to my heart in light of the recent events.. every word seems to knock hard on my heart.... hmm.... friendship... dreams... luvs... the way it was... the way it will be....
I got my first real six-string
Bought it at the five-and-dime
Played it til my fingers bled
It was the summer of '69
Me and some guys from school
Had a band and we tried real hard
Jimmy quit and Jody got married
I shoulda known we'd never get far
Oh when I look back now
That summer seemed to last forever
And if I had the choice
Ya - I'd always wanna be there
Those were the best days of my life
Ain't no use in complainin'
When you got a job to do
Spent my evenin's down at the drive-in
And that's when I met you
Standin' on your Mama's porch
You told me that you'd wait forever
Oh and when you held my hand
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life
Back in the summer of '69
Man we were killin' time
We were young and restless
We needed to unwind
I guess nothin' can last forever - forever, no
And now the times are changin'
Look at everything that's come and gone
Sometimes when I play that old six-string
I think about ya wonder what went wrong
Standin' on your Mama's porch
You told me it would last forever
Oh the way you held my hand
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life
Back in the summer of '69
Summer of '69 by Bryan Adams
posted by David at 12/12/2002 05:58:00 PM
Army Daze
Wenduan went in a couple of days ago... i bloody screwed up the time zone thingy... and missed calling him.... which got me totally depressed and mad at myself... seriously... and tianyu will go in later today in a couple of hour's time... shit... Dec only need to see two of them going in... dread the coming of Jan... almost everyone is going in then... shit...
When leaving singapore, it was seriously hard.... leaving my family and bros... last time i am always with them, or they are just a phone call away... or i just head down orchard and surely will see them one... and leaving singapore means cannot see them any more... shit... it was hard... but still got icq... still got email... can still keep contact... so still can... still be brave... but now this...
Probably not able to talk to them for the next 3-5 months... alamak... hate this... this means i might as well not use my icq for the next 3 - 5 months... might as well not check my email.... i am not tat type of person tat will only miss things when they are gone... but one thing you ppl need to know about me is that i can really really do a good job of telling lies to myself... and making me believe so good in it... i SAW this coming... but i keep telling me it is not tat big deal... tat we can still keep contact... still get to tok to one another... hahaha... yeah sure... a**hole...
i dun want to get nostalgic here... but seriously... will miss those bunch of goushi when they are gone for that 3-5 month in tekong... nope... i am not crying... at least... not as much as when i did the last time i did in the RJ canteen after the JAE results are announced... hmm... hahah.. childish right... damn pathetic right... already 19 years of age and still cry like a kid sometimes... muahahah... hmm... but this is just me... like a puffer fish... trying to puff myself up really hard... to have a strong and scary outside... but hahah.. inside... not much... just all the tears and the bleeding tat i try to hide... coz i dun even want to see them myself...
try to believe that i am brave... try to believe tat i am fearless... try to be strong... maybe this is growing up... if this is the case... then i had grown up... i learned to put on a mask... a mask that is dun tell ppl any hint of who i really am... a mask that i force myself to put on... and can only be taken down when no one else is around... when no one else is looking... so tat i can let the tears and blood tat had flooded behind that mask to come out... why??? so that i can put on the mask again to face the world... and to clear up the space behind that mask to allow them to be filled up again... maybe one day... the frequency of me needing to take down that mask will get less... and i will probably stop crying all together... and probably also lose the ability to bleed... why??? maybe coz i am already really strong and brave that no one can make me cry or bleed... or maybe the tears simply ran dry... or there is no more blood for me to bleed...
I am not all tat depress and hopeless really... the finals are around the corner... trying real hard to study now... but tianyu just pinged me on icq... "hey hi....this will probably be the last chat for quite some time..." hahah... dude... will miss you... no gaying here... will pray hard for you... be strong... be positive... no self-pity... be brave... be so brave that you scare yourself... all the best in the NS dude... it is only goodbye for now... think of the better times tat will come... seriously... when i get all sad and depress and lonely here... this is wat i think... i think about all the good times i had with you ppl... and all the good times tat will come... seriously... it is really not tat bad if you really think of it... someday...
SHE'S SAYS: WE'VE GOT TO HOLD ON TO WHAT WE'VE GOT
IT DOESN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE IF WE MAKE IT OR NOT
WE'VE GOT EACH OTHER AND THAT'S A LOT
FOR LOVE - WE'LL GIVE IT A SHOT
WHOA, WE'RE HALFWAY THERE
OH, LIVIN' ON A PRAYER
TAKE MY HAND AND WE'LL MAKE IT - I SWEAR
OH, LIVIN' ON A PRAYER
part of the song Livin' On A Prayer by Bon Jovi
posted by David at 12/12/2002 05:42:00 PM
Saturday, December 07, 2002
Time: A day in 1998
Place: 2H classroom in Bishan Raffles Institution, two rows from the back
I was at my personal best... making a totally nuisance of myself... and the target??? Koh Liang Shuo... (RI and VJC)... i forgot wat exact things i did to him or why i started "ga jiao-ing" him... but i remember something he said till this day... "FUCKER... can you stop being so childish and grow up?!?!? look around you lahz... you are the only asshole tat has not grown up..."
Why this story?? hmm... coz wat LS said has ALWAYS zoom in and out of my mind... cannot shake away... i am always having trouble with the idea of "growing up"... after many attempts... i found out that growing up is not about dressing in while long sleeve shirt and black color business pants... it is not about not laughing like a donkey (or... simply not laughing the way i do....) it is not about the kind of thing you talk about (i.e. comic book... dragonball... pokemon... etc etc...) but something deep within... something INSIDE... so tat is basically my problem... if growing up is something tat is more OBVIOUS... then i should not have problem with tat... but here we are talking about something really abstract... so what is the standard or definition of a GROWN up?!?!? hmm... dun think i have the answer...
Ben sent me his RJC prom nite photos... WoW... first i must say some of the 1A01E galz look really really nice that night lor... top vote go to Mabelle Jie and Xinyi lor... hmm... look really elegant i would say... hahah...
anyway... then i saw photos of my RI friends.. They changed so much... so so so so so so much... i could hardly recognised some of them... esp ChangYong... i was searching thru Ben's online album TWICE... coz i know he and ChangYong good buddy... so definitely will take photo with him... and i went pass that photo TWICE... oh no... i see that goushi for FOUR goddamn years... and now is only less than a year since i last saw him... and he changed SOOOO much that i cannot recognise him!!! and to make me feel worse... i was SEARCHING FOR HIM... tat means i was scrutinisig EVERY photo as i see them... and i only could figure out it was him on the third try... oh my.. oh my... wat is going on?!?!? and ChangYong is basically the MOST horrible/extreme case... some of the others also changed like mad... then i look at myself in the mirror... held my old RI class photo beside my face... except for the hair... which is now sorta GONE... i look exactly the same... no change... no change... no change... ARGH... WHY?!?!? i think this is relative... if ppl change... and you neva... tat means you neva grow up... relatively speaking... and tat is depressing... i think i been thru so much... (i won't say more than my peers... such comparison is stupid and unfair) but i think i been thru so much... why hasn't anything like leave a mark on my face or anything to tat extend??? still have that "arrogant" look when i dun smile... and still look like a clown when i do... so wat's so different about me now in 2002 compared to 1998 when LS scolded me for now being grown up??? hmm... dun think so... hmm... asked EngMeng about this just now... he sorta reassured me that i dun think i changed coz i look at myself everyday... but i am not sure if i want to agree to that... i listen to myself everyday... i replay wat i did in my head every time... hmm... everything seems to be the same... no diff... coz if something is different.. i would sense it... though i may not be able to pinpoint it... hmm... not very good really... not good...
posted by David at 12/07/2002 02:18:00 PM
Wednesday, December 04, 2002
ok... i am a little depressed... why... maybe it is the fact that the finals are coming up and the fact that i am totally prepared to be screwed... or maybe it is just the fact that so much happened this term...
It is funny how the phrase "The worse that can happen, will happen" ALWAYS happen to me... hahaha... we talk about how some of our believes are constantly challenged in life... and that each time it is challenged, we emerge stronger than b4... hmm.... they forgot the possibility of a person emerging totally confused and demoralised...
Anyway... i am a little sad RIGHT NOW... of the fact that all my bros are having their prom nite today... i did not graduate from primary school when i was in taiwan... and my primary school days in singapore is purely disastrous... so basically... the only schooling memory that i really care, and have a complete picture of, will be (shit... i am getting bored saying this again...) my days in Raffles Institution... coz i neva graduate from JC mah... (well... if i had stayed... i would neva have been able to graduate anyway... muahahahha....) so... now wat??? i am suppose to tell the whole world that the ONLY so-call prom i ever went to was with this bunch of guys?!?!? er... i dun think this will really look good on me... muahahah... and that grad party was seriously a joke... pls... ppl went there in T-shirts and everything... hahaha... i went there in a pair of jeans and Hawaiian shirt... alamak... WHAT KIND OF PROM IS TAT?!?!?!? ~!@#$%^ and some more it is held in the stupid Singapore Swimming Club... shit... could still remember that time every Sec school ppl in those singaporean IRC channels were saying while everyone will be wearing gowns and tux to their prom, RI boys will wear swimming trunks to their grad dinner.... shit... how good was that??? hmm... i also dunnoe why i am so depressed or sad over this thing... maybe (probably it IS) the fact that i am missing out on the so-call the ultimate nite of fun and memory... and while my bros are all dressed up handsomely and having fun and everything... i am stuck here... not with them....come to think of it... i have neva really dress up for an event... neva worn those really really formal attire b4... even last time wear school tie also neva wear properly... muahahahaha... shirt neva tuck in... pants was like super baggy and so long that it sweeps the ground as i walk... hair was always a disaster... hmm... oh shit... not very good memories here... muahahah.... but those were the fun days...*sign*
Dun get me wrong... University life is pretty fun in itself... different type of fun... different type of stress... so different that i am not even sure my friends in singapore will understand me when i tell them... so sometimes i feel so lonely... of course i have friends here... new good friends tat i can share my problems with... but maybe it is unfair to say... but these ppl here dun really noe me as well as my bro... they haven seen me in both my good and bad days... neva sweat over stuff with me... but still not all type of friendship are the same... and maybe tat is why i will always hold my bros so dearly... even though some of them might have changed... but it is kinda sad that those familiar numbers i will call last time or those ppl i will chat online when i am stress or depress dun understand my problems anymore... cannot blame them also... JC life is afterall... not University life... and life here in US is totally different from life in Singapore... or Taiwan for that matter... I dun want to tell them all the shit that happen to me... but by doing that...and telling them only the fun and good things that i have... i think i had did a horrible thing of painting to them too rosy a picture of a University life... hmm.... i generally dun like ppl to worry about me... i tok crap 99.9% of the time... coz i think it is fun... i dun like to be serious... i like to tell ppl those outrageous things i see or hear... but sometimes... that is all that i will end up talking about... coz i think it is fun... and ppl are interested in hearing such things from me... but... i think it end up making ppl not taking me seriously when i need them to... which is not really that often... but tat makes it all the more shit... coz when i really really need them... they dun seem to get the intensity of things... hahaha.... not very good....
So when i say i am not feeling too good now.... i am not even sure myself of just how NOT GOOD a shape i am in... when i say i miss home... when i say i miss sitting at Taka with Kaihong or with Ben at J8 chilling out or working out with KP in the gym or pio-ing galz in orchard with Chunyi, KP, Ron and JiaHwee... i am not even sure if i really NEED that to happen or if i am just being childish and not strong... but i noe for a fact that these things are just me daydreaming.... it will never happen again... these ppl are going into NS... and even if they are not going into NS... i will not be going back to singapore... so maybe it is just the fact that i am so stress that i want to be with those goushi again... or maybe i really miss them... argh... heck... i dun even noe wat i am talking about... i am not organising my thoughts at all... i am just typing watever that comes to mind... but i really need to get things thing out of myself... coz i am really really tired... i dun look like it... but i am definitely not feeling good... and stress as hell... i am losing sleep... my sleeping patterns are disrupted... i try to relax... but i am having headache and feel like vomitting for no reason... well... typical symptons of stress... reason??? maybe of the fact that i am not doing so well this term... maybe the fact that i am totally homesick... maybe the fact that i am feeling betrayed by some ppl that i call a friend for a long time... maybe the fact that i have not being exercising and that i am getting fatter and fatter... maybe.... maybe.... hahaha.... i dunnoe...
Wat i do noe... is the fact that my finals are burning my ass... and that i really really need to get a hold of my own life... or else... i have the first final (physics lab) tomorrow at 6... then poli sci final on the 10 Dec, then Cal and Physics final on the auspicious date of Friday, 13 Dec... and the last paper... Engineering C++ programming on the 17 Dec... hahahah... lab should be no problem... but the scores so far are all really close... so i hope i dun flop.... i am still my usual nervous self for my poli sci... i seem to noe wat is going on... but i am just nervous... i will have to start doing my own notes AGAIN.. just in case... muahahah... i am really paranoid for my poli sci... Cal and Physics is pure disaster... i can only concentrate on one to do it... so i am still planning on my revison schedule for these two... the C++ thingy... er.... start praying... i am getting only the basic stuff right... i can say now i am expert now with the IF and While loop statements... but the array, double and Matlab stuff is just beyond me... so er... see wat i can do lahz... i think i will only revise for this course after my Cal and Physics paper... if not i will risk not being well prepared for these two course also... hmm... sounds like a plan?!?!? hahah... being a while since i do such cleaning out of my brain... oh well... more will come after my finals... hahaha...
posted by David at 12/04/2002 11:02:00 AM
Monday, December 02, 2002
| I am the Anti-Seducer Seducers draw you in by the focused, individualized attention they pay to you. Anti-seducers are the opposite: insecure, self-absorbed, and unable to grasp the psychology of another person, they literally repel. Anti-Seducers have no self-awareness, and never realise when they are pestering, imposing, talking too much. Root out anti-seductive qualities in yourself, and recognise them in others - there is no pleasure or profit in dealing with the Anti-Seducer. Symbol: The Crab. In a harsh world, the crab survives by its hardened shell, by the threat of its pincers and by burrowing into the sand. No one dares get too close. But the Crab cannot surprise ists enemy and has little mobility. Its defensive strength is its supreme limitation. |
What Type of Seducer are You?
created by  polite_society
posted by David at 12/02/2002 08:07:00 PM
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