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Sunday, February 16, 2003
Can't sleep last night... very troubled... just lied in my bed doing some self reflection and thinking... obviously something prop-ed up and cause such repurcussion... and i am feeling totally helpless about this whole situation...
If there is one thing anyone need to know about me... is that the two most important things in my life are my family and my friends... no ranking... same importance to me... i am willing to do ANYTHING for my family and my friends... they are everything to me... if i need to die for them, i will not hesitate... nothing can come between me and my family and friends (but of course sometimes the question to ask will be what if one comes in between me and the other one... but so far so good... so i am not losing sleep over this yet...)
but last night, something screwed up on both sides... not me screwing them up... but tat both sides had some problems and tat totally saddened me... first is my family...
First is my grandma... both my paternal grandma and maternal grandma... the thing about my maternal grandma is the same old story... i was not able to contact her in taiwan for our weekly chat... and i hate it... i only get to call her once a week... on saturday night... to have like a few minute chat with someone whom i considered to be the greatest person to ever walk on planet earth. She is incredibly great... nicest person you can ever imaging... funkiest grandma you can get (she is 70+ and yet still learning ENGLISH!!! ) yet she is so traditional that it is so cute to see the way she behave... trying to understand her is like trying to understand my mom and my aunts... grandma did a fantastic job in bringing up her kids... they are all just fantastic people... hmm...the list goes on... but the crux of things is just tat she is great... and i totally adore her... so i was quite upset when i can't contact her this week... but then again this is not the first time so i am not overly upset... it is wat happened with my paternal grandma tat really upset me...
OK... to be fair... i am closer to my maternal grandma than my paternal grandma... so i dun call my paternal grandma all the time... but still both are my elders and i show them the respect they deserve... so i have been trying to contact my paternal grandma since CNY eve... but cannot reach her... you see.. .she is down with a stroke a few yrs back.. and neva really recover... so she is in like a daze most of the time... but last month, my parents took her to singapore for treatment by this chinese qi gong master... and miraculously she could understand wat ppl tok about and could tok kinda good... but then she went back to my uncle's place... sigh... you noe wat... she is basically left all alone in that house with a maid tat cannot even take care of my grandma properly... so when i finally managed to reach her on saturday, she was back to her daze mode... cannot listen to wat i say and can only mumble stuff i can't comprehend... this is family matter.. but i am just upset why my grandma is being treated this way... my uncle is suppose to take care of her... but half the time he and his wife are not at home... the old lady is already so sick and stuff, can't they just spend more time with her??? kk... i noe they got their life... but the thing is, they spend more time with the wife's parents than my grandma... how you justify tat??? i am just sick by this... you got to keep the momentum and exercise going in order for a patient suffering from stroke to get better... leaving her all alone in the house with a maid tat can't be bothered with her, of course you expect her to be in daze and such wat... a normal person if you dun tok to ppl all the time and such also can get daze and blur and such... wat more a lady who is already down with stroke and multiple illnesses... i am just feeling very very upset... my family use to take care of her... but she was taken away from us for some reason which i dun really want to talk about... but really i am upset and sad...
then there is the sucker punch... which totally knocked me out...
i had a really rough time in NJ... i hated tat place.. i dun see myself taking out from that school anything... i was depress and angry... most of my memories in tat place is darkness.. 'cept for two guys... i did have a core group of gang in NJ... but it is these two guys tat really light up my days in NJ... the only happy memories i had in NJ were all with them... without them, i really really would have done something stupid and totally gone insane... developing a friendship with the two of them was something i neva expected to happen... come on man... one is from ACS(I) while the other one is some weirdo from some international school... yet we did so much stuff together tat i totally adore them and such...
I remember once in NJ i was really upset... forgot why... something happened tat totally pissed me off... it was PE lesson... and i was angry and was telling my PE teacher Mr Chee how fucked up this place is... and i say i am afraid and i dun want to leave this school with only an A level degree... i could still remember how Mr Chee replied me... he held up this clipboard he had in his hand and pointed to tat two guys who are standing on my both sides... and said,"wat about these two??? worse come to worse you will still have these two with you when you leave NJ wat..." i was stunned... Mr Chee was right... i will be leaving NJ with great memories of all the fun and all the shit me and tat two guys went thru together... and from tat day on, i treasure their friendship even more...
they were there till the last moment till i went onto the plane when i left singapore to come US... with the rest of my NJ ruggers... ron, jiahwee and shi wang... the six of us are the gang... WE ARE THE MOST ELECTRIFYING AND FUNKY PEOPLE THAT NJC AS EVER SEEN!!! yet i am really closest to these two guys... so these two guys are very very important to me...
and guess wat... they are no longer friends... i sorta know something was wrong long time ago... but i cannot and DUN want to confirm it... the point of conflict???? over a girl... the exact details i dunnoe... but basiclly is tat one guy went after the ex of the other guys... but somehow i think the other guy is still not over tat girl... you noe... relationship is a messy.... always messy... you one is right and no one is wrong... and only idiots will try to make a judgement... i am an idiot... but not TAT idiotic... so i cannot and will not make any judgement or take side... but right now... i am stuck in the middle... one guy dun want to hear the name of the other guy... they are not hanging out... i hate this... i hate it when two friends fuck each other up over a girl... to me, it is neva worth it... so i took an ostrich attitude about this... i keep my distance from my friend's girl... i neva really tok to them... even if i have crush or watever, i control my feelings even if the two of them are no longer together... i dun need this rubbish... this kind of thing dun come between me and my brothers... but while i decide to take such attitude of neva to get close to my friend's girlfriend or ex-girlfriend or compete with a friend over a girl, it dun mean tat others will do the same thing... the last time such thing happened it really broke my heart more than i was willing to say... two best friends in RI... fought over a girl and till now still no sign of mending up... and how this... this is just messy... tat's why i was neva in a relationship... and i think i may neva be... i hate to be in a messy or sticky situation... so nope... not happening... but i am just really sad and upset... i can't sleep over the whole nite... i dun understand... am i the only one tat is taking the whole situation so seriously?? am i the only one tat is making some extreme weird sacrifice in order to keep my relationship with friends from being harmed??? you have any idea how many girls i had gave up trying to know just because i heard my friend telling ppl tat he is interested??? i am not saying tat had i not gave up trying to know i would have gotten the point... but i am not even taking any chance... i noe this probably sound ridiculous... but wat could i do??? i dun want anything have a chance to jeopardize/compromise my friendships...
and the fact that these two ppl are no longer hanging out means tat my fond memories i had in NJ are more or less shattered... the two source of joy and happiness i had... the two treasures i took with me when i left NJ is gone... i am upset... very upset... feel like crying... my memories... it is sad... very upsetting... and i can't do anything about it... nothing...
posted by David at 2/16/2003 01:45:00 PM
Monday, February 10, 2003
I hate Vday... seriously... i think it is soo stupid... Vday has became this occasion for girls to have an excuse of extorting expensive or incredible stuff from their boyfriend as a sign of his love for her... seriously... but then again, Mr Yours Truly had neva had a valentine b4... so i had neva REALLY bought anything b4... but two yrs ago, i had such a horrible experience on Vday tat i totally gone crazy...
it was Vday in RJC... the whole world is like giving presents to one another... still remember Mr Leong asking all the girls to lower their balloons during flag raising... coz so many so many of them have one... of course i din bring anything tat day laaaa... anyway.... the RJ student council have this fun raising project going on... selling valentine's day gift laaa.... and my poor dear benedict kuah was like man-ing the store and the sales since the past few days is like horrible... all the flowers they purchased were like DYING... the sunflower they had is like becoming groundflower liao (since it is facing the ground mah.... lol...) and of course ben was like really despo liao... so he was like asking me for help to buy one laaaa... but then i dun have anyone to give to right... but then he so poor thing so i want to help laaa... he was like giving discount and selling at 5 dolla per stalk of sunflower (or something like tat... i just remember it was more than 2 buck...) so i was like thinking of wat to do if i buy it laaa... then yikley came over....
Now... yikley was the popular guy then laaa... you can say he damn AA abit laaa... act act like mad.... so i was like teasing him got give Vpresent or not laaa... then he was like say no lor... say wat no money... then at tat time the rumor was tat he like this girl in my class call YS laaa... so i was like kkk.. you no money, so i buy this sunflower for you for YS laaa... so yikley think it is damn funny laaa.. so he agree laaa... so i bought the flower... and gave it to YS on behalf of yikley laaa... and the screw up thing was, YS's good friend... can't remember her name... but she is from Nanyang... was beside her when i did tat... and tat Nanyang girl like yikley laaa... so she is like quite sad lor... so YS was like "oooo... nonono... yenlin i think you got it wrong already... i think yikley meant to give this to her... " so she was like handing the flower which I BOUGHT to tat Nanyang girl... er... this dun seem right to me laaa.. but then since my aim is to help ben get rid of his flower and make Yikley scandalous so i dun mind laaaa... (and tat sunflower is really quite pathetic... of all the sunflower in the school, this is the ONLY ONE tat is dying like tat laaa... ok... this unique-ness will come into play later... and makes the Vday totally disgusting...) anyway... i just dump the flower to tat two weird girl and left lor...
But... later on during the day, i noticed tat both of them are not having tat sunflower... OI... the first time i fork out money on some stupid Vday gift and NONE Of you are holding it??? basket... show some respect leh... but anyway... of course i cannot say tat to them laaa.... so i started looking around for tat sunflower... paying special attention to rubbish bins and such... hahha... but... something WORSE happened to it... coz when i finally saw that sunflower again... it was in this really really really really really really disgusting girl's possession!!!! AAARRRRGGGHHH... now... this girl is really disgusting... you neo why??? coz she USED to be from the same primary school as me... but in pri 4, she went to another school, coz of her streaming result... she use to be pretty good in her studies and such... but in pri 4 tat yr, i beat her and was top in school... but any case. i neva see her again after she got transferred.... anyway... the next time i saw her was in sec 1... in MOELC in bishan... she went to RGS and i was in RI... kk... fine... so i recognise her and went to say hi laaa... i mean friend last time after all mah... so i was like saying how are you and such... and you neo wat she did??? she just look at me in a sneering way, and said"oh.. hi... how much did you get for yoru PSLE???"... kk...i was top from my pri sch... but i was not like showing off or anything laaa... she ask... i answer lor... so i said 275.... and she just said"Oooh... i got 278..." and with tat, she just turn her head and walk away... er.... er.... er.....ER... WAT THE !@#$%^ was THAT ALL ABOUT?!~?~?!?!? i was like totally dumb-out... BEEEEEAAAAAACHHHH.... kk... i was really pissed... i mean i was there trying to be nice and such... and i get this kind of shit??? wat the hell did i do??? totally ridiculous... so i was like quite pissed... and so i dun really like her.... and further more, her rep in RGS is not exactly tat good also after tat... beeeaaaach.... but then again, i dun give a hoot about her... until now...
DAMMIT.... TAT BLOODY SUNFLOWER IS FROM MY MONEY!!!! YOU LOUSY PIECE OF SHIT... al;dfjasl;djfl;sdkfjaskl;fjhk;afsh... now it gets personal... wtf... i spent money and now she is enjoying the JOY of a Vday gift??? oh my god... this is soooo wrong.... just horrible... it was probably the first time i fork out money for a Vday gift, and it ended up in this girl tat i really dun like... ARRRGH... totally disgusted... and totally ruined my Vday... argh... horrible horrible... i hate Vday...
posted by David at 2/10/2003 12:53:00 PM
Friday, February 07, 2003
Actually i dun noe why i am such "GOOD" mood now... seriously... feel relax... not doing anything... while in actual fact... my ass is burning like crap... i am the biggest ass in this whole... seriously... just yesterday, i went to my calculus exam WITHOUT MY CALCULATOR... WOW... i am so proud of myself... coz this is the SECOND TIME IN A ROW LIAO.... brilliant... just brilliant... you see, the point about the calculator is not the calculator itself... it is the "CHEAT SHEET" tat i put in MY calculator... see... everyone gets to bring a 3"x5" notecard with all the info they can squeeze onto both side of tat card... which DUH... includes the formulas, example questions.. etc etc... beautiful... so i did my exam without tat crap... tat crap which took me 2 hours to do... the essence of my whole bloody revision... brilliant... i am over-joyed... so i did my exam with a borrowed calculator from the GSIs... and of course without my cheat sheet... hahah... beautiful... i love myself to DEATH man... REALLY!!!
And work is just beautiful too... econ midterm is coming up next... wednesday... you noe the crap about econ? we had TWO in class test so far... the first one was tat crappy simple supply and demand curve basic stuff... which was easy... i studied.. HELL YEAH i studied... and if you include my memories of tat topic still fresh as new from RJC 2001, that will be the second time i studied tat crap... and WOW... i bombed that test... brilliant... and to rub salt, i was below the class mean... CRAP... ok fine.. so work hard laaa... so i studied for the SECOND one... which was elasticity... BEAUTIFUL... i dun really get like half of the questions... the basic i noe laaa.. but somehow i dun FEEL wat i was doing... ya noe wat i'm saying???? it is like i just PLUG the values into this framework tat just stick in my brain... but dun exactly noe how the BEEP it works... unlike the basic crap... so i was not confident at all... but i noe i can nail it... and yesh... i nailed it... FULL MARK... and guess wat... the so did most of the class... beautiful... the class mean was 10.5 out of 12... wonderful... ya see.. i dun give a HOOT about wat the class did... i wanna get the mark i deserve... how come i screw up on the first one??? i am NOT SUPPOSE to screw up when i am not ready to screw up... ok... this dun make sense to ya all right?!?!? kk... put it this way... let say ya study k??? how do you noe when to stop??? you dun CHEW AND HUG the book all day long right??? so when do you stop??? well.. i would think that one should stop when one feel tat he can do watever question that he was given (i.e. the questions at the back of the chapter...) and KNOW wat he is doing... coz unless you use such a judgement... er... you are just wasting your time stressing yourself out... RIGHT??? TAT IS PRECISELY MY POINT... i knew my material for quiz 1 inside out, inch by inch just like i noe pamela anderson's body... (ooops... hahaha... bad example... but ya get wat i mean?!?!? dun ya?? hahah) and i screwed tat quiz up... i did like not just questions from the homework, but also in the textbook itself... (coz ya noe mah... first few week extra ON one... hahah) and for quiz two, i only LOOK thru the HW... WoW... beautiful.... so with an midterm this wednesday, which should i cover??? the one which i KNOW or the one which i SCOREd... taking into considerations tat there are 2 more chapters other than this two crap... ??!?!?!? time is running out... and so is my mood for studying....
and next we go to IOE 201... ah... beautiful course... just beautiful... screwed my midterm... no one to blame but myself... i was trying SOOO HARD to memorise the FORMULAS... tat i ignored other details... wat details??? LIKE WAT ARE THE CORRECT CRAP VALUES TO PLUG INTO MY FORMULA!!!! and ya noe wat is the REAL beautiful part??? I DUN NEED TO MEMORISE TAT CRAP FORMULA... i should instead just use tat (P/A,i,n) thingy... dun make sense??? SAME HERE... i thrust formula... formula is my best friends... tat crap dun make sense to mean even though they mean the same thing and is basiclly a short cut for the calculations... best... just best... so well... i plugged in the wrong formula... too nervous coz it was like only the 4 week of a 16 week term... and i am already having a MIDterm... and nightmares from last sem is still haunting me.... so i rushed thru the paper... and only when i reached the last question did i paused to think about wat crap values i am getting... e.g. invest 1000 with an interest rate of 12% compounding daily and i can get 10 million dollar in 4 years... wait a minute... tell me where i can get such a good deal ?!??! DARN... so i went back to redo the whole crap... managed to salvaged as much crap as i could... but i forgot to recalculate some of the actual interest rates used and just plugged the APR for calculations... i am sooo screwed... and couple with tons of UNEXPLAINED... WHY... SHOW... comments scribbled in red ink all over my paper... hahahah... i am just over-joyed...and the HW... crap... HW grades are getting from bad to worse... some how i always dun get the theory fast enuff to apply them into the hw... but i try... so 60% screwed... but hey... got do ok... so must clap for me... so check with other guys for tat remaining 60% laaa... but you think my team all genius issit... hell no... we screwed up the hw2 together... hahah... and the beautiful part was??? while trying to rush out the draft for the team project, one of my teammate actually said "i dun give a crap about this 2 credit course... i got more credits to worry about...." WOWOWOWOOOWOWO... this is SOOO comforting to noe tat you are doing a project with someone with this attitude... but i am just praying tat guy was just stressed out.. please.. DUN TELL ME OTHER WISE -pull out my swissknife-
I am soooo dead... ya all get the picture of this whole BS??? i am NOT focused enuff... period... i lack the concentration... so the big question IS??? WAT THE CRAP WAS I THINKING??? wat is distracting??? nonononon.... no girl this time... girls are OUT... but tat dun mean guys are IN... buzz off... nononon... no loud music... Tearron is still MIA... nonononono... not EXACTLY falling sick... but i AM getting sore throat now and then..... and tat is kinda irritating... so wat is it?!!?! wat is SOOOO bloody distracting??? well... nothing really.... GET IT??? NOTHING!!!!! argh i hate myself... i just dun feel the DRIVE... i am like all packed up and good to go... but i dunnoe why i am just not KICKING IT!!! it is probably like IMPOTENCY... i noe my aim... i wanna kick ass... i wanna screw the courses... but i am JUST NOT KICKING IT!!! lazy??? er... probably... but i got do my homework wat... but the focus is just not there... like i am suffering from tat attention difficiency syndrome or something... crap... i need to get this crap over and done with ASAP... considering going to meijer to buy some health supplement to eat... yeah... might just try it... NOPE... i am not screwing around with my body... no booze no drug no nothing.. esp no booze... without the exercise i had in spring and summer i am already feeling the unhealthy effect liao... booze is only gonna make it worse... so no booze... yesh... so i'll see how... SEE... this is the whole point... right now the destiny is really in my hand... unlike some crappy game slogan... hahaha... so yeah... it is really up to me man... we'll see...
posted by David at 2/07/2003 10:04:00 PM
Elf name for my name is Elrohir Mithrand赤r while my hobbit name is Drogo Boffin of Whitfurrows... hahahahaha
posted by David at 2/07/2003 02:54:00 PM
Saturday, February 01, 2003
Want to know wat is really meant by satisfaction guaranteed??? Try setting up the full set of the Ballroom ( 39 Rounds of 8 and 312 chairs to go along with them...) in Michigan Union by yourself and you will have a feel of wat tat means!!!
posted by David at 2/01/2003 03:31:00 PM
The dinner today ROCKS!!!! hahah... besides the intial scare of my beloved crock pot not working, all went as smooth as it could be... the food was good... the mood was fantastic... all the guys were at our funky funny best... felt really good... ate it the taiwanese style... even bought some of those Taiwanese style of steamboat food... really really good stuff... with the all time favourite steamboat souce of SA CHA JIAN with raw egg... heavenly... after eating the steamboat i felt so good that even the snow outside feel like nothing... how good i can get???
i guess the only regret is not being able to celebrate it with family... i mean although i want to have fun during new year... the true meaning of new year is really about family getting together... it is REUNION dinner... but then again... we dun always get wat we want... did i tell you guys tat i really miss my home??? the people really... i do feel comfortable here... but some how deep inside i always feel tat i dun belong here totally... this is not my place... the way this place work... the kind of ppl here... not my type... but where is home??? Singapore or Taiwan??? i want to do something for taiwan... somehow... seriously... singapore is really not too bad a place laaa... even though i dun really speak good of it all the time... it is not bad a place... but i just like taiwan better... but i have almost no root in taiwan... but hahaha... who am i kiddin... i dun really have my root ANYWHERE... so where ever i go, it is gonna be the same thing... so pls pls dun ask me where i am going after i graduate... let me graduate first... for now... i will have to reluctantly call Ann Arbor my home... and the only family i have here will be my friends here... my malaysian gang... just like the way reunion was suppose to be eaten... tonite, i ate it with my family members... and MAN tat sure was a good dinner!!!!
Happy New Year everyone!!!
posted by David at 2/01/2003 03:53:00 AM
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