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another joke from the same site....

The English Language

Lets face it: English is a terrible language.

There is no egg in the eggplant no ham in the hamburger and neither pine
nor apple in the pineapple.

English muffins were not invented in England, French fries were not invented
in France.

We sometimes take English for granted. But if we examine its paradoxes
we find that Quicksand takes you down slowly, boxing rings are square and
a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing. If the plural of tooth
is teeth, shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth? If the teacher
taught, why didn't the preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what the heck does a humanitarian eat!?

Why do people recite at a play, yet play at a recital? Park on driveways
and drive on parkways?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where a house can
burn up as it burns down and in which you fill in a form by filling it out.
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity
of the human race (which of course isn't a race at all). That is why when
the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they are
invisible.

And why it is that when I wind up my watch it starts but when I wind up
this story ends?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is a person
who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car
not called a racist? Why are wise men and wise guys opposites? Why do overlook
and oversee mean opposite things?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that
electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models
deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the
universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint
you will have to touch it to be sure?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does
he become disoriented? If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't
people from Holland called "Holes?

posted by David at 5/11/2003 01:13:00 AM