TOW Everyone's university acceptance...
The NUS university admission result was announced recently... well... majority of my friends got into their first choice and made it to college... feel so happy for them... yet it feels weird and a little bitter at the same time...
In 1992, my parents brought me and my sis from taiwan to go over to singapore to study... due to the rules, i have to be "demoted"... so while i was already pri 3 in taiwan, i had to start at pri 2 in singapore... it was really weird at first... i had to mix with kids one year younger than me... it just feel so damn weird... and the fact tat my parents keep reminding me of tat fact is not really helping me to cope either... but somehow i got over tat... and kinda behaves a year younger than me... coz the things i experienced, the things i did was with those guys... so after awhile, i became like them... a year younger than i "should" be.... then i came over to US
I got into college faster than those ppl tat i learn to call my batchmates, those tat are actually younger than me... while age-wise, i entered college at just the right age, but in actual fact, i actually shifted grade again... this time it is such a great jump... out jump my batchmates by two years... when the girls start their college later thsi year, i will already become a junior... (credit-wise.. and a sopho in year-wise...) feels weird you get wat i mean??? i feels weird tat you are experiencing something all by yourself... well.. at least tat is how i feel... i am now congratulating my BATCH MATEs on their college admission.. and i am not part of tat?!?!? weird.. just weird... shouldn't it be like when we got out Olevel result when we cheer and cry together??? now they are cheering and crying and i am watching from afar coz it is none of my goddamn business... and argh... i had already sorta experienced tat feeling already...
Actually i did not really cheer or cry when i receive tat letter from michigan... how should i describe it?!!??! hmm... sense of relieve?? i was so screwed and totally stressed out from my experience from NJ... and all tat anxiety on my fate... and oso at tat time my mom keep bugging me and putting me down about applying to UofM (she keep insisting tat her FRIEND told her tat UofM is not a good school and neva heard of... screw....) and tat i am just taking her money to run away from NJ and all tat crap... and oso i had to keep quiet about the situation lest some ppl may screw me up last minute or something... so there was no really outburst of joy... hmm... so i think sense of relieve will be the best way to describe it... i probably deserve more emotion... coz afterall, i was the ONLY one tat did the whole goddamn application process... from searching for school, to all type of blardy research... I DID EVERYTHING MYSELF... yet... the thing felt like no biggie at tat time... the whole emotion is just not there... i dunnoe why... i went back to taiwan, came back to singapore.. went back to taiwan again, and flew to US... of course i receive lots of good wishes n such... and i really appreciate it... but the sadness of leaving all those things i am familiar with behind is probably the only feeling i had then... when i board tat plane to come to USA, i embarked on a new path alone... seriously... even till now, there is just this sense of isolation in me still... i left behind ppl tat understood me... ppl i grew up with... ppl i can relate to.. feel so empty and alone.... well... mayb got ppl will say things like i am not treasuring thiings i have now and wat not... nonono... i appreciate and am grateful for wat i have now... i am seriously grateful... but the sense of isolation is also very real and true... i made many friends here... but sometimes, i take a step to one side... look at them from a little distance... and i realise tat i dun really belong... sometimes it even makes me feel likea 5th wheel or something... i neva felt this way before... definitely not in RI... NJ abit... neva fit into tat community... but i had friends to hang out with... and i neva feel like an extra... but down here... i feel so extra nowadays... i try to not feel so extra... but tat means i have to try to fit in... oh gosh... i hate to do tat... i just wanna be myself... i dun mind changing... but it is just impossible to change everything rite!!??!! maybe it is this sense of feeling extra here that is triggering all this sense of me wanting to be with my batchmate and feel weird tat i am not part of their current celebration n joy... but this oso shows tat i am really stuck in between... i am around ppl tat i can't fit in... and i have already took such a large stride ahead in life that i can't exactly join the pace of my former batchmate oledi... sad isn't it??? oh well... as if anyone will give a flying *BEEEP* about this or doing anything about it... sigh... such is life... you came into this world alone... it would be great if you meet a couple of ppl along the way... but ultimately, you still die alone... not exactly a very fun thing to experience and totally pessimistic in thinking... but still... can't really deny it oso rite?!!?? sigh... i need to sleep.. hopefully when i wake up tomolo all my worries will be gone and solved... hmm... i have already been sleeping alot lately.... any longer and tat may mean a permanent sleep oledi... alamak........ i need help.... hahahaha
posted by David at 6/07/2003 02:32:00 AM
wat the hell....
have been in this crazy frenzy of finding out who came to my blog site... and guess wat... some ppl actually came to my site via the words HORNY and GAY... now now now... i MAY be HORNY... but WAT IN THIS WORLD HAS GAY GOT TO DO WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is so amusing and stupid...
Anywae... the spring term is coming to an end very soon... yesh... you noe wat tat means... it means time for the final papers and the exams again... sheesh... tons of stuff to do... and yesh... still procrastinating like an idiot...gosh...
you noe something... i really have no problem with ppl smoking... my dad use to smoke... and i hated it actually... coz i care about him... and isn't it just crazy to see someone you care about smoking and kill themselves slowly by inhaling those poisonous stuff??? but then again, if it is someone else, i really can't care much.. why should i??? it is there freedom... of course i will tell them it is not healthy laaa... but tat is all i am gonna say... but seriously... one thing tat really turns me off is seeing chics smoke... aiyo... not nice laaa girl.... it is like got this really nice girl in my class now... smart and of course beautiful laaa... she is one of those tat dun tok rubbish in class and only opens her mouth when there is something intelligent tat she wants to say... and i was just there admiring her and all that stuff... then one day i saw her taking a pack of cigarette from her bag during the 5 min break and go out smoking... (NO... i DID NOT follow her to see her smoke you stupid...) wah lao eh... you noe how turn off tat is or not??? i really really dun understand why in this world ppl want to smoke... seriously damn stupid thing to do... no they dun look cool to me... no they dun look more mature to me... no... nothing special... well... actually they do look special... specially STUPID... might as well take like a few miligrams of rat poison a day, tat way it will be faster rite?!?!!?? hahahahah... damn sad... my fantasies brutally shattered... sigh.......
posted by David at 6/06/2003 09:38:00 PM
Enemy Of the State
i have been getting hits from some really weird places...
1) US army
2) U.S. Dept. of Agriculture, United States
3) Westpoint
and a couple of government agencies a couple of weeks ago oso... hahaha... is it coz i am call da TANK or issit due to the posts i made??? hahahah... so farni... but oh well... my displeasure for the US govt is not really tat much of a secret... and me having a very low opinion about them is something i am very proud of... hahah...
posted by David at 6/05/2003 10:38:00 PM
See how your desktop icons try to kill eat other... hahaha... very farni... courtesy of Armhawan...
Icon War
posted by David at 6/04/2003 02:07:00 AM
wow... tomorrow will be RI's 180th Founders Day celebration... so... HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAFFLES, and CONGRATES FOR 180 YEARS OF EXCELLENCE!!!
somehow i managed to skipped the two Founders Day celebration which i am suppose to attend.. sec 3 for internet club i think, but i got someone else to go for me, sec 4 i ran off with the gang to go fragging at cuppage... hahahaha... come one laaa, i neva got a chance to go up to receive any award wat... i think the only time i so-call went on stage was to get those medals for Track and Field, softball and rugby etc... dun really recall any other stuff... hmm... grad ceremony tat one count or not huh?!?! hahah... afterall i still got my Raffles Merit award rite?!?! but then again, so did like a quarter of the batch got tat award oso... sigh... this is wat you get when you are not the number one leading man... hahaha... but i guess selvan would probably not given me even if i was the capt.. hahah... feeling is mutual.. who the hell would want to nominate a student tat find trouble with you every step of the way??? wah lao eh... 4 years of war against selvan... hahah... wat an experience!!!
p.s. i think i got some academic award laaaaaa.... but i can't remember wat oledi... internet club? dunnoe... can't remember... mostly are the sports one laaa... still remember Mr Lam making fun of me in front of everyone when i got my gold medal for discus... argh...
posted by David at 6/02/2003 10:44:00 PM
This is a very interesting article... too bad it is in chinese... a comparison between national taiwan university and beijing university... the duel between the two top uni on both side of the straits... hopefully those of you tat are considering which college to go to will draw some pointers on how ppl judge and rate their schools... enjoy!!!
http://forums.chinatimes.com.tw/ctw/1282/1282a040.htm
posted by David at 6/02/2003 08:52:00 AM