The job at interlibrary loan is really pressurizing. Man, i am feeling the mental drain. Maybe it is coz i set too high standard for myself and take things too personally. From the moment i take my position behind the front desk, my brain and my body immediately tensed up into full alert. Everytime the phone rings, i take a deep breathe and pick it up hoping i can successfully assist in the problem and don't have to transfer the call to Tami and co. I really want to do a good job, but i really know so little and yet there is so many to remember and even though i was given a run down of things on my first day of job, i can't remember them all and just totally feeling all shitty everytime i can't solve a problem. Tami, Erin and Vaughda (i think i spell the last part of her name wrongly...) are really trying to be nice and keep consoling me. But they have their own work to do and i really dun wanna bother them too much. But i am just as afraid of screwing things up and god knows what nonsense will erupt from there. major sigh..... feel totally dead everytime tat four hour of work is done.
Answering queries and troubleshoot problems thru the phone is my main job, but on top of tat oso had to do some admin work like checking out books etc. Sigh... screwed up so badly the other day coz i mislooked ONE miserable part of the processing and the whole system had to be halted coz of me. took the tech guy and tami like foreva to figure it out coz i think they neva realise how stupid and careless i was. So nowadays when i try to do the check in i am like really really tensed up. Damn... i am not even familiar with the system and i had to make sure everything is good and correct (what is correct in the first place i am not even sure...) and yeah, correct wat was wrong (as if i know for sure... sigh...) and blah blah blah. You guys get wat i mean? all these would have been easier if i am doing a rookies job. i.e. getting myself adjusted and familiar with the system. But now, instead of working my way up from the basic, i had to also do things the other way round of moving from TOP down to check if the teeny-weeny details are in place and stuff. Really really emotional drain and mentally and physically challenging.
but even with tat, i think this is DAMN SHIOK AND CHALLENGING. i mean even though i am like dying most of the time, i think the rush of meeting those challenge is really freaking great!!! of course getting thrown so quickly into the deep end is really scary and esp when i am such a paranoid person sometimes... but at most drown and get fired laaaa... i mean of course i won't try to be an ass and screw up, heck care everything on my job. but if i dun rise up to the occasion and meet the challenges, this experience of me trying to learn the ropes as quick as i could is really fascinating and hard to come by. Just like i give myself a little pat on the back when i am able to solve a patron's problem by myself, I am looking forward to the end of this month when i can congratulate myself on a job well done at the end of it all!!! GAMBATTE DAVID!!! I CAN DO IT!!!
posted by David at 8/08/2003 01:32:00 AM