Will the REAL TAIWANTANK please stand up?!?!
Just got back to my room after going over to a friend's place to seek help on Econ 401. Before i get into business, let me just say that Econ 401 really blows and note to self, DUN EVER EVER EVER ADD ICE INTO YOUR HOT COFFEE IN THE MORNING EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE TRYING TO RUSH FOR CLASS!!! by doing so, it gives you really really bad stomach tat last you a good half day!!! kk... to business!!
While in my friend's room, he suddenly popped this out "Hey dave, wat happened to you? The impression you gave to me when i first met you was like you are a genius?!?! wat happened?" hmm... i wonder... (I REALLY should not be blogging now, coz i have 401 HW due tomorrow at 12 and need to type a response for Poli Sci 369 online discussion... but you noe me... when i get into this mood of self discovering, nth can stop me... so here i go...)
Tat friend of mine is definitely not the first person to say such kind of things abt me. It seems that I always give ppl a kind of first impression that they later found that i dun live up to it. I really lost count of how many times i had "let ppl down". From My chem teacher in RI whom i did not delivered a A1 for and thus went hiding from her for almost a yr until i went back to say goodbye b4 i came to US and asked for her forgiveness, to my folks for not doing well enuff academically, not able to get into 9 sub class (miss the cut by 0.2pt), not able to get all A in Olevel, not able to get into RJ, not able to do engineering etc etc. Then you have the most recent experience of me failing to live up to the expectation of 3 ppl i used to fondly call friends coz i was not the suitable roommate they had thought i would be. One year of impression and experience with me totally shattered (from their pt of view) within a period of less than a month. And of course, now this friend of mine. WHY?!?!
I neva try to package myself in front of others or anything like tat. I am who I am. And i pride myself in being true to myself and do things the way i want to do and not add any pretence to it. If tat is the case, why am i having so much trouble living up to the expectation of everyone? (including myself at times...)
I will perfectly understand why this is so, IF i had set high goals for myself or impress upon ppl that i am zai and god-like. But tat was seriously neva the case. However, I do believe that i am a person with a lot of potential. Call it arrogant or wateva, I know i can achieve things when i set my minds to it. Even though i had met with devastating results recently beginning with my failure to get into RJ and now deciding tat i am just not the engineering material even though i tried my best to do things, i am still confident that should i focus my attention, i can do wat i wanna do/achieve.
However, this is still some great difference between me meeting my own potential and meeting the kind of expectation others have of me. And worse, some of the expectations were formed coz of the first impression i give to ppl. Amazing ya noe. Like i have mentioned several million times in this blog. The kind of impression i give to ppl is UNBELIEVABLE!!! from antisocial, to cheerful, to playful, to smart, to "bo chap" (can't be bothered), to this n to that... i seems to have form a different kind of first impression in every different ppl i met. AMAZING EH?!?!?!
So who's fault is it really that i have time and again disappointed those around me coz i fail to live up to the first impression i gave to them? perhaps i had tried deliberately to give them tat kind of false impression? or wat? i dun think i have, but maybe i did. Tat friend of mine probably thought highly of me coz of the kind of things i did in RI. Of course i did those things. SO?! it is still the same old taiwantank tat worked his ass off in Bayley house comm as to the Taiwantank tat is freezing his butt off here in UofM wat... so WHY is this happening?!!?!
A different layout was suppose to be under construction with the help of another friend of mine, but so far no news of it yet. So blogs like this, where i would greatly appreciate feedbacks and ppl slapping things back to my face will remain the way it has always been... a monologue... MUAHAHHA... but yeah... for those of you who knows my email n stuff, pls drop me a note telling me wat ya think. Dun just read oledi then neva comment. for other posts it is fine. but not for this kind... since i am like pushing my other priorities aside and put so much energy into this. So pls... hola me back yeah?!!??!
posted by David at 9/09/2003 12:06:00 AM