OK... just one entry today before full steam on Poli Sci 369 preparations. but it is still about things tat i wanna say/reflect before i can focus my mind on the preparation.
First up. Friendster. this thingy here seems to be playing an increasingly bigger role in my life since it allow me to "socialise". Which is a pretty screwed idea. interaction with ppl thru tat thing? oh com' on... ya got to be kidding me. let me share the experience with you.
Start off with Karen, ben lee's gf whom i dun really noe tat well, but i find her to be pretty pleasant, asking me to join.
then with onli one name is alittle pathetic so i start to scout for ppl i noe thru Karen's list.
i believe Justin Lee is the next up. this guy is true bud so die die must get "CONNECTED".
Hapiz here in UofM long time ago asked me to join oledi, but i kind a neva responded coz i deleted thinking it was a junkmail. hahaha... (not too far from truth actually eh?)
then Anthony (thru karen). ah meng's friend. got hang out with him a couple of times and got played around in RI last time. but apparently he forgot about me oledi... so it was damn paisei.
then god noes how much time i spent on the network, and i managed to find markadamang tat is here in UofM, gundy, mianyi, travis, Junren, Melvin, Lionel. Alanna declared to the whole world she succumbed to peer pressure just like me so added her to lend some moral support. but i think i kinda stopped after adding people like shiwang and huimin.
why?
coz i think i am pan yuan in most of these occasions. kk... it is JUST me and the way i am brought up in my family. i dun like to take photo with ppl i dun really noe. i dun like to act all cosy and friendly with ppl tat dun deserve tat kind of level of socialising. in another word, i dun like to fake fake relationship with ppl. but i guess in my desperate attempt of linking up with familiar faces back home i end up trying to position myself way too close to them than i should. it is both an act of disrespect to them and me. and a greater insult to the word friendship. i was probably really close to some of these people last time. last time.
and tat kind makes me so ashame of my own action tat i kinda stopped going around adding or looking for ppl to add. like i said. it is just me. then suddenly somehow the "pandora's box" was opened. and mabelle jie requested me to add her.
pandora's box got "" outside the phrase coz it is a pleasant surprise to hear from mabelle jie. she is such a nice girl. seriously. used to tok to her quite often online and she is always so cheerful and update me all the time on what was going on in my former JC class. it felt really nice when she went out of her way to link me up with wat was going on when i was making bad attempt to distance myself from those happy memories. but tat was about 2 years ago?
i think mabelle oso realise how much i have changed. disillusioned was the word she used. haha... after wat i went thru, i think i deserve some level of disillusioned feeling. onli i noe. yes, muh as wat other people would say, i think at the end of the day, i am the onli one tat can truly feel the impact of wat i went thru. it is not like i dun share. i complain, i bitch, i cry to my friend all the time. but i will be eternally grateful if anyone out there can even feel 10% of the amount of pain tat went thru this body. a body tat always gives ppl the first impression of being impressive and strong, but is nothing more than an unwanted front, a legacy left from a distant glorious past that the timid, weak and troubled soul tat now resides in. how many people out there can really appreciate this?
mabelle's entrance onto my list is followed by a couple of faces tat is both familiar yet distant... tienhuei, yewsen, ying yi, ying shuang, wenduan, jia hwee, ben. some of these ppl are really close to me -- wenduan and ben for example. but the others? i wonder... like i said. memories of a glorious past tat i am having trouble living with and haunts me more than the happy joyful memories tat they bring.
so wat is the point of this post? am i angry tat ppl are linking up with me even though they dunnoe me?! hell no hell no. it is great to see those faces again. so wat the shit am i doing this? nothing lah... see.. how little you noe of me. this is just yet another random thoughts in my mind tat i wanna let out. i am onli a confused youth. probably suffering from split personality. kinda like tat scene in matrix reloaded where neo is in tat room with the creator and the monitors show like all possible emotions/reactions tat neo can possibly have after hearing wat the creator said. same thing really. when i encounter something, all these thoughts from all possible angle, all possible train of thought swarm together and threatens to explode in my head. dun mind me. i just want rant and let some steam out. hope you dun have a problem with tat. else, you can always buzz off and neva return to this personal and idiotic site of mine. i dun mind you laughing at me being so silly and return time and again to see how naive i can be and how pathetic i am. coz this is just me. and i dun think there is a need for me to hide myself in a place tat i consider personal. in fact, if you have failed to realise it sooner, you are in a personal space. so please, show some respect eh?
ok... i think i have said enough. time to nap. OH WAIT... I AM SUPPOSE TO BE STUDYING AFTER THIS RIGHT?!?!?! hmm... aiya... neva mind lah... the books and notes are not going to run away anywae... kk... nap time!!! MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
posted by David at 10/19/2003 03:39:00 PM