*~Nothing much~* |
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Tuesday, December 23, 2003
The finalz are finally over. so did the 600 day celebration away from home. no, i did not exactly get a huge dinner, i didnot get drunk, i did call my mom but she sounded so tired that i didn't want to make her feel worse. but i did cry. yeah... i am a pussy wuss. i still cry like a baby at some of the slightest thing out there. I cry like shit on friday. it is not fun away from home for so long. you dunnoe wat is going on. you feel uprooted. shit, even last time when i went from Taiwan to singapore i at least go back once a year and my folks are with me. and now i am all by myself. this feeling is not good. not at all... i feel lonely. the worst kind of lonliness. the kind tat you feel even though you are always surrounded by people. it is not like i dun have ppl around me. the dudes are there. but i still feel lonely. i identify it as the worst possible kind of loneliness. it is like i locked up a part of me inside in a cell tat nobody can reach. it is crying out for help yet nobody seems to hear. it could be shouting to someone's ear, screaming at everyone and anyone passing by... but still no one seems to be able to do anything. ppl either dun notice, or they just look on and stood there, or they just dunnoe wat to do with it. the worst thing is even though it is locked up, it controls the emotions, the rest of the person. i am afraid that the longer that this part of me is being locked up, the more deform i will get. the more hysterical and edgy i will become. i will go for the extremes, or in chinese, pian ji 偏激, antisocial or wateva mentally illness there are. i have no idea why this is the case. coz nobody truly understand me? coz of the academic pressure? coz wat? homesick? i dunnoe. i feel lonely. really lonely... ok... tat aside... coz tat is my own devil i have to fight, here is the update of wat has gone on after friday. Friday after 330... started packing after i got back from exam. shitty UofM housing. freaking chase all of us out... so went packed almost everything i have into two bags and a bagpack and a laundry basket and storm over to satchi's new DELUXE SINGLE. watched movie like siao in the meanwhile... and after move over, Friday arnd 9... crossing over to arnd 3am SAT when LOTR 2 started... went to epol's and watched Band of Brothers for first time. hmmm.... war movies always gets my attention. war sux... but hmm... dunnoe leh... guess it is a guy's stuff... but war is just totally awesome eh? hahahah... watched LOTR 2 also after band of brothers... until like 8 in the morning... it was crazy... but pretty awesome... eaton was empty... so we went to the lounge and watch it on the huge flat screen tv with epol's PS2... pretty awesome... and we ordered pizza to go with it... not too bad... the crazy thing is... we decided there nad then tat we are gonna watch LOTR 3 tat very same nite... siao... but nth surprising... finalz over liao... not suppose to think straight... so yeah... tix were bought and preparing to go movie at 630... Sat 3pm... went to TK Wu for brunch... since it was already 3 plus when we woke up from the LOTR2 thingy... make no sense rite?! yeah... it made no sense... feeling so freaking dead and vomitted like siao... nth makes sense and just wanna let lose... or havoc should i say? well anywae, went TK Wu with batcha, ivan and fooming and i had this mix vege... which er... ironically, when i came back to satchi's room, satchi whom did not join us for the meal, cooked almost exactly the same thing i just ate... and he did not pay 6 dollar like me for that meal... hmm... and i am suppose to be the econ major dude tat has the financial brain... sigh.... Sat 7 till 10 plus... anywae... LOTR... hmm... ok lah... pretty awesome... but feeling pretty brain dead to really appreciate it fully. seriously... think it was pretty cool... but yeah... watched it for the sack of watching it and get the hell outta school to so call get a life... probably should have rested more so i could appreicate more... but oh well... can't give a flying F... oh... did realise tat too much male bonding in that film lah... and the ending drags like siao... so many times i tot it is gonna end oledi...then something comes up... i am just being picky... but think it is pretty nice lah... esp the war shots... tot it was pretty cool... but i was so fatigue that i dun get the adrenaline rush from watching it like i usually would... ok... so i guess it was 10 bucks wasted... Sat after 10 plus... detour to meijer's to change my blardy bball... hope it won't screw up again like the last one... and yeah... will train once i get back... so watch out world!!! went to danny's after tat... had a nice supper.... chill... but ain't exactly in the best of spirit... tired? fatigue? or jus plain sianz? i dunnoe... but felt like only my skin was laughing... but at least i was laughing... so thanx guys for taking me out... Sunday AM... can't remember wat time... i have no idea wat i did on sunday... no i was no drunk... no alcohol... hmmm... i remember waking up at around 3pm... went over to satchi's place to cook maggie mee to makan... and if i am not wrong... i rotted there with satchi watching his TV and wasted the day away... hmm... i think tat is more or less wat i did... oh and i fixed up wat would turn out to be a "HOT DATE" for monday... Monday morning 2AM... yeah.. it was 2AM.. i had gone to bed early at 10 hoping i could sleep early and thus wake up early coz i had to go pick up tien huei and take her to breakfast at angelo's... then Dear Mr Chong Fooming called me on my cell and totally woke me up... beautiful... i tired so hard to hypnotise myself to sleep and after tat phone call... tat was it... i can't go back... so i woke up, showered, and watched BOB on my comp... watched like for 3 hours till it is like 6 plus when i doze off to bed... guess wat... i turned GREEN when i least needed it... and i turned off the computer (which is my alarm clock...) to conserve electricity in the midst of my extreme exhaustion by then... so while i was suppose to wake up at 9 and pick up TH at 10, i overslept and she had to call me at 1030 and demanded where i was... sigh... luckily it was not a date... and i am not like after her or anything... phew... if not i would hang myself really... but anywae... rinsed my mouth, washed my face and i dashed all the way over to her place... took the short cut of all shortcuts from baits to rush over to the huron river bridge near mitchell field where she was waiting... thank god she very nice to me nowadays and did not go ballitic... but yeah... ran like siao after so long in tat kind of chilly morning air and almost bursted my tiny lungs... sigh... but anywae... went to angelo's ate a TON... farmer's omelette, blueberry pancake, french toast and rasin breads... felt like a pig but totally satisfied... anywae me and TH jalan jalan around ann arbor... since the weather was really nice by then... later found out from fooming tat the temp was like 7 deg man!!! WOO HOO!! so now you noe why i call it a HOT DATE!!! 7 deg C here in ann arbor in the middle of dec man... how funky can you get? but anywae, me and TH just walk around downtown, went to lotsa cool shops and just sat around and tok... it was pretty cool... guys like me dun hang around chic all tat much... which is sad... considering tat i am on the gaysuspicion list still... dammit... if i am on the list and presumably gay, why ain't girls flocking to me like bees to honey?! shit... but anywae... yeah it was a wonderful day, wonderful weather, wonderful companion... and a great way to set off to Las Vegas and San Francisco...
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