Visitor count is now at 3999. let's see who is the next visitor.
Tzu Ching's sign language is coming to a crucial pt. today is judging. one week of hard labor is no joke... tired like crazy... here is agood summary of wat everyone did in the words of Bor Shuen in this really nice card he just sent...
各位慈青好~
嘻嘻!我寄這張卡片純粹是覺得開飛機的人好像DAVID喔~~
這一個禮拜真的是最漫長，也是對我來說最有意義的一個禮拜。看到大家為了同一個目標都付出了那麼多的努力，BS感動至極!!
看到Mike大哥犧牲了與河小姐的時間來練習手語•••感動。
看到Meiyi大姊每晚只睡兩個小時還堅持來練手語•••感動。
看到David大哥努力克服他陽剛(猴子)的本性來練習柔性的手語•••感動。
看到Judith大姊天天忽略桌上一疊的功課來練手語•••感動。
看到東安老大天天從遙遠的地方開車來配合我們練手語•••感動。
不管明天的結果是如何我真的很感謝大家這個禮拜的努力!BS再次感動中。謝謝!!
Still have the phobia of living with other ppl. Got some invitation from others to stay with them for summer. As much as i want to stay with them, my fear for wat could happen just keeps me from saying yes. sigh... this is bad. I am such a wuss eh? Maybe tat's how ppl feel when they break up with their gfs... i neva had a gf... so i dun really noe wat is the big deal. but if gfs are ppl that is as close and emotionally attached to you as i was to those housemates i had, then i think perhaps i can finally understand the pain and anguish of such breakups. wah lao eh... sound damn gay. but erm... no denying, some part of my heart is being ripped from me. my fault? i won't noe... i dun care at first. but now that i realise how deeply affected i am, i can't help but wonder wat went wrong again. MUAHAH... tok abt ghost from the past coming back to haunt me again. well... but who is to say who is wrong? like all relationship, takes two to tango. me n my 3 housemates had such incidents maybe coz some elements were just unluckily all there. i am f*cked up in some manner, and so are they screwed in others. and somehow we combine and bingo!! we screw and fuck each other up. the qn of course will be, how to prevent such things from happening? from my pt of view, i just need someone that can just voice wat they think rather than hiding inside. Sadly, i dun think i have encounter anyone here tat can do tat to me yet. if you call me a friend, why still hold things back when you tok. maybe you dun want to do that to other ppl. but this is how i work. be direct and just say wat you wanna say rite? well... not many ppl wanna do tat to me. maybe tat's y i treasure those friends i have back home. if i am a shit, then say so. dun bother adding flavor to it and make it nice. this is not call got tact or not. this is call effective communication to ME when you wanna tok to me. but sad rite? maybe i have not given ppl enuff chance to know me tat well? but could you say the same thing from those housemates i had? been hanging with some of them since day one here in UofM and still dun noe me? if such is the case, then all the more i love my homies back home. Armhawan n Wuren since pri sch. Mike n Ah Meng clicked with me since day one. Those Goushi in 4J took onli 1yr for us to click this long already. Those folks in Bayley and all others, how come they won't hesitate to slap me in the face when i need it? y can they get rid of formality and just do wat needs to be done and say wat needs to be say to me? hahah... i really miss you folks. And not to mention Chunyi, KP and shiwang. I dun even really make a genuine effort for them to know me, and yet we click this well and they make me so comfortable all these while. how many of this kind of ppl can i meet as i journey down my life? or do i have to keep getting hurt to find tat ONE more? marginal productivity related?! MUAHAHA... i really should be satisfied tat in my life, i have met all these folks tat can be true to me and allow me to be true and no need to pretend. but... some of these folks are oso folks tat i may not meet again. So do i go arnd pretending here in UofM? no... i won't do tat. but still. this issue of being "anti-social" and the phobia of living with other ppl again is just getting me all edgy. sigh... i need to think this thru.
So many things need to be given their time to be thought thru. yet i can not really focus well and just think properly. i probably can just drift along. if i dun think this much, dun analyse this much, probably won't have this much problem. but is ignorance really a bliss? nth to do with me doing poli sci or not. but i just think it would be a bad idea to just be ignorant. i dun really like tokking to ignorant ppl. and i always fear being one of them. the fear of not knowing things is wat i think drives me to keep reading news, keep tokking to ppl to get info, to get inspirations, to get viewpts. Insecurity? you bet! just like practising sign language... y do i practise so hard? coz i noe if i mess up at one pt, i will just lose my tempo. So i shoot for error proof. so far so good. perfectionist? a little. there is a perfectionist in all of us. but i still can't wake up in time. i still need alot more improvement to be call perfect. i probably can identify the areas i need to improve. but as usual, i lack the actions to follow them thru. to me, think and no action is nth. and tat's wat i am. NTH. a pretty depressing post. coz i think i am pretty messed up rite now. and if i dun get my freaking acts together soon. i am gonna die real soon coz things are coming on hard n fast and if i dun get a hold of myself first, there is no way i am gonna tackle them properly. sigh......................
posted by David at 1/30/2004 11:49:00 AM