*~Nothing much~* |
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Thursday, February 19, 2004
i call home alot. about at least twice a week. and if there are occasions, like bday or such, i call even more. then sometimes i oso call my friends back home... which i am not sure if it is the right thing to do. calling them is really not expensive at all. about 1 cent a minute... so even if i tok for like an hr, it is like 60cents plus alot of saliva on the phonespeaker tat's all... i dunnoe how those guys feel when i call them. to me, it is just awesome to hear their voice and get in touch with them. most of my bros are in army, so even when they book out, those lazy asses would probably just sleep at home or wat not... emailing me would be the last thing on their mind so me calling them is wat i feel to be the best thing for me to do. can i say enuff times about how much i miss them? but calling them, to me, is not coz i miss them, but coz they are my friend and i want to stay in touch. but i am really wary of how they take it when i call them... i hate it when my friend say things like "should have gone to UM with you..." i mean, i would LOVE to have them around... but still, i think they are using the fact tat i am in UM as some kind of escaptism from reality. i can onli imaging how sian and siong army life must be... but such is life... it is not like i am always having fun n such in UM rite?! C'est la Vie... you always want to think someone else is having it easier than you... but how can ya eva compare? i hate to bitch to my friends... i hate to complain to others, yeah sure, i grumble and i bitch, but my philosophy always have been "why bother those tat aint got nth to do with it?" ok fine, so i tell them how bad my physical condition maybe rite now, how i always kena shit prof, how i fucked up my grades, how sucky it is to be in some situations and how lonely i feel sometimes when no one fucking soul around me can understand and i just dun want some fuckshit look of sympathy... can they understand? yeah, i am sure as my friend they can... but so wat? they cannot do anything. sometimes listening to words of comfort can be useful, but i really dun need tat... and i dun see y i should tell those horrible things to my friend. it is kinda like a dilemma... me in UM to them, is like Santa Claus to kids (maybe to some of them oso... MUAHAHAHA) probably when they have it siong and shit in the army, they think of the good days and nice things i am having in US and tat make them happy or wat i dunnoe... but while i do try to hint to them tat while coming all the way here is a biggie, there is really not much other than tat and there is bad side to everything... i often just stop there... i dun wanna poke the balloon of fantasy for them... too cruel for me to do tat. and it ain't helping the matter when you have guys like alim going back home and tell fantastic stories to those tat wanna hear them... life is so different for different ppl... how can you compare the kind of life a guy driving a porsche with a guy that at one pt in time was surviving with onli 50dollar in his bank account?! yeah, alim would tell you that there was one pt in time he had to work two job and eat rice with soya sauce (so did i...) ... SO TAT HE CAN BUY TAT SECOND FUCKING PORSCHE!!!! wtf... i am not piss about the fact tat he is loaded and i am not... i am not happy that ppl paint too rosy a picture for others and make them so misinformed. i hate to mislead my friend, tell lies or anything like tat... and it just pisses me off when things like tat happen... i dunnoe y i am saying all these all of a sudden... maybe it is tat conversation i had with yaoquan when he was so surprised to hear tat i called those folks back home for chinese new year and is kinda updated on how they are doing n such... sigh.....
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