how much is too much? should ppl say what is appropriate? or say what is necessary? how do you put ideas across to people when being tactful dun seems to get the msg across, and yet you do not want to come across as being a MOTHERFUCKING dictator and trying to boss around and throw your weight around?
am i piss? a little. why? not because of what happened. but because of what HAD ALWAYS HAPPENED. i am sick of always turning out to be THE BAD guy. always playing the devil's advocate. always the loud lao lian guy, who is insensitive to other ppl's feeling. yeah of course, there are a million ways of doing the job rite. and i am pretty sure from the reactions, i screw it up again. yet again, i come across as being overbearing, commanding and dictatorial?
who am i piss with? no one but myself. and i am not saying this just so that i do not offend anyone else. i have no fucking problem with offending anyone and making enemies. i will no go kiss the ass of someone i dun like, or kick my own ass when it is someone else's ass tat deserves to be kicked. i am angry with myself coz i have failed again. failed again to be able to adjust myself according to what a new team needs. did i make a concious effort to change? yes i do. but yet i failed. i am loud. yes, no doubt abt that, but tat is onli coz i grew up living on the 3rd floor of my house and i always have to communicate with the rest of my family who is either on the 2nd floor or on the first floor. so naturally i tok in a way that is like shouting. but that is no excuse, i dun have the fucking privilege or the right to go tell ppl or limit ppl on their way of judging me. "hey, plz forgive me for my loud voice, i am not shouting, i am just loud naturally and use to tokking this way." if i again make ppl think that i am shouting my way around, bossing my way around, and barking at ppl just because i have a fucking miserable point, then i am the biggest fucking idiot in the world.
am i angry? am i piss? wat the fuck is going on? dun ask me. i am not gonna give you a fucking answer, i dun owe you one, wat am i gonna do about this? it is only my business and my concern. might very well go fuck myself over it, cry the shit outta myself or wateva. but fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. not in a good mood, so dun come near me. i am placing a 24 hr online ban effective now till tuesday morning 1.30am. and i ain't gonna pick up phone calls that i has nth to do with sch work. if i see you on the st, dun bother to wave or say hi. coz i ain't gonna reply. coz that's just the way i am.
posted by David at 3/15/2004 01:26:00 AM