erm... my uncle just passed away... so the initial plan to go down south for a family vacation is not cancelled... things are pretty messy... date to go back to US is postponed indefinitely... erm... i dunnoe wat to say at a time like this. it is very heart-breaking to see my 78yr old grandma suffering like this... very very very heart-breaking... but at least i am here with her... guess tat is the most i could do at a time like this... not particularly close to this uncle even though she is the big bro of my mom... long family history... shall not say too much... but all my thoughts are on my poor grandma... poor old lady is so devastated... and seeing her so devastated kills me so bad inside... stood in front of my uncle as he lie lifelessly in tat abandoned car beside the road... chanting prayers for him for 2hrs nonstop... weird smell and flies surrounded me... but all my thoughts were on the old lady and how devastated she would be when we finally have to break the news to her... that i didn't even bother swating away the flies or get disgusted by the smell... now tat my grandma had cried herself to sleep, onli then do i feel the disgust and horror at what i really saw... life... life... life...
really really in a mess now... look calm and cool as usual... but i am feeling really sick deep inside... can't eat anything... feel like screaming... or maybe i just need some fucking alcohol to drunk myself unconcious... but things needs to be done... need to do my part in consoleing my grandma and be strong for my mom and take care of myself so she dun have to worry... but me being my emotional self... is hahah... emotionally overboard for my own good... messed up... really messed up... 阿?陀佛。。。大舅舅你好好的走。。。一切有?法，如?幻泡影。如?亦如?，?作如是?。 万般皆?不去。。。?何?能看破放下？？
posted by David at 7/25/2004 12:28:00 PM
i am in taiwan now. living in my aunt's place coz my house is in a ruin... and i am serious. just got here today. and finally able to access blogspot. using my cousin's computer so i shall not crap too much...
but still... i want to thank everyone who tried their best to meet up with me when i go back to singapore. it was good to see you guys again. seriously. feels... surreal... after i left singapore 2 yrs ago, i really didn't think i would be back so soon. thought of you guys alot of course and miss you guys terribly. but neva tot i could see ya guys again. sure, times has changed, and things have changed. i was quite shocked by all tat when i first came back, dun really noe how to react to it... but i guess i have till next time to find a way how. but still. thank you guys. thank you so much.
and terribly sorry for those i can't meet up with or meet up with again. tris, yikley, kianping, mike n meng etc etc.... so many of you.... so little time. pls do forgive me and please do not mistake it as me not appreciating you guys enuff. feeling really terrible that i couldn't meet up with all you guys... really really terrible...
hmm... wat else to say? er... i dunnoe. really want to wish you guys all the best. i really pray that our paths will cross again. in a more substantial way if ya noe wat i mean... like the trip i had in shanghai was awefully great. it was awesome. 13 strangers stuck together for a month working on things and doing things together. it is amazing how we bonded and wat we did. bros n friends in singapore, tat is exactly wat you guys meant to me ya noe. would love to have the opportunity to work and spend much longer times with you guys coz i think you guys are just awesome and spending time with you guys have positive effects on me (yeah... even you goushis...MUAHAHAHA... jk...)...
promised to cut down on the crap. sigh... plus can't really type with all the tears in my eyes. sorry guys... really really terribly sorry... miss ya guys like crazy and will always think of you guys whenever i go. take care yeah!?!?!
p.s. shall blog abt my amazing shanghai trip next time. really worth blogging.
posted by David at 7/09/2004 11:22:00 AM