*~Nothing much~* |
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Sunday, July 25, 2004
erm... my uncle just passed away... so the initial plan to go down south for a family vacation is not cancelled... things are pretty messy... date to go back to US is postponed indefinitely... erm... i dunnoe wat to say at a time like this. it is very heart-breaking to see my 78yr old grandma suffering like this... very very very heart-breaking... but at least i am here with her... guess tat is the most i could do at a time like this... not particularly close to this uncle even though she is the big bro of my mom... long family history... shall not say too much... but all my thoughts are on my poor grandma... poor old lady is so devastated... and seeing her so devastated kills me so bad inside... stood in front of my uncle as he lie lifelessly in tat abandoned car beside the road... chanting prayers for him for 2hrs nonstop... weird smell and flies surrounded me... but all my thoughts were on the old lady and how devastated she would be when we finally have to break the news to her... that i didn't even bother swating away the flies or get disgusted by the smell... now tat my grandma had cried herself to sleep, onli then do i feel the disgust and horror at what i really saw... life... life... life... really really in a mess now... look calm and cool as usual... but i am feeling really sick deep inside... can't eat anything... feel like screaming... or maybe i just need some fucking alcohol to drunk myself unconcious... but things needs to be done... need to do my part in consoleing my grandma and be strong for my mom and take care of myself so she dun have to worry... but me being my emotional self... is hahah... emotionally overboard for my own good... messed up... really messed up... 阿?陀佛。。。大舅舅你好好的走。。。一切有?法，如?幻泡影。如?亦如?，?作如是?。 万般皆?不去。。。?何?能看破放下？？
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