PART 3 OF a BLOG ENTRY -- SCROLL DOWN TO READ THE FIRST ENTRY FIRST YOU STUPID
1. I had a friend who use to drive me and another friend to class in central after this common class which the 3 of us take up at north campus. The 3 of us were classmates in singapore, but we weren't exactly tat close even though we feel close to some extend. but anyway, i always make it a pt to thank him after we reach central campus coz it was really generous of him to take us along with him coz he had to wait for a while for me esp. After 3-4 times, i became the onli passenger left in his car when he drive to central. The other guy did not say thank you during those 3-4 times. My drive friend felt like he was being treated like a chauffer by that other friend of ours... WOW...
2. I use to clean my dorm room quite regularly during the beginning of fall sem last year. I am not exactly the cleanest/most tidy person around but believe me, the 3 of us create so much mess in a week that if i am to onli clean the room once a week, i have so much to do. But afterawhile, i stopped and i onli took care of onli the area around me and no longer clean the whole room. WHY? during many of those times when i was cleaning the room, my roomies would just sit there and not do anything. no offer of helping me (er... does this room onli belong to me?!?!) or even bother to move away when i was cleaning tat region. and guess wat? during one of those room cleaning times, one of my roommate actually swept biscuit crumbs onto the floor when i had just cleaned tat portion of the room. er... i am kinda amazed at why i had not took a knife and stabbed him or something. AHAHHAHHAHA... but seriously, it just came to the conclusion that what i am doing is not appreciated by them and perhaps they dun even see the need of me doing those things. well fine... if tat's how they want it to be, then i will just clean the area around me onli and leave them with their trash. Well, you should see the kind of trash they left behind when they moved out. damn it was horrible and our room really stinked during tat time.
3. housework. I use to do my share of the house work in the apt even though my housemates dun think so. (well... not surprising since there is always someone tat destroys what i just cleaned and credit those mess to me...) i always scrub the bath tub and rewash the dishes/pots/pans that they washed during dinner coz i can still see what we ate the nite before when i use those things when i cook lunch the next day. Things, i neva say, and things, they neva appreciate. I saw the house is a mess, so i borrowed a vacuum cleaner. but i can't possibly borrow it everytime can i? so i suggested tat we go buy one, yet i was given the reply of "since you so obsessed with a vacuum cleaner you go get it yourself laaaa"... fine. Then when i see tat it is not very hygenic to take your shoes all the way into the apt and suggested tat we keep our shoes confine to the area just within the door way and where there is shoe storage for us to use, i was given the response of "put inside a bit won't die rite?"... FINE. so obviously there is a very huge gap between what i think is deemed needs to be done and what they deemed needs to be done. I would be very happy to sit down and iron differences out since tat is perhaps wat i would call a very mature thing to do, but yet it neva happened. perhaps they find me ridiculous not just for those things i mentioned above, but oso many others, but without giving me a chance to explain myself and let me voice my opinion and instead, threw those kind of comments at me, I think there is not much that needs to be said. i have neva try to protray the image of me being perfect or infallible. i have always admit tat i am wrong almost all the time so there MUST DEFINITELY be something which i did which they cannot accept and which they hates. But i would at least expect ppl to stand up and tell me what nonsense i did if it really bugged them tat much isn't it? instead of shutting me off and gossip among themselves like girls. argh... even when i try to ask them wat i had done wrong, i was given the reply of "wat do you think? it would be impossible for us to tell you everytime you had done wrong coz we treat you like an adult." er... i think there is a very big problem here. If you can SHARE among yourselves the details of wat i did wrong, then why can't you be the "responsible" housemates tat you claimed to be and point them out to me?! If you can organise a trial of the crimes i did and send me to isolation, why can't i be given the opportunity to represent myself during the trial? none of this make sense to me and i dunnoe wat to do. For sure i dun want to GET BACK at them! Why should i? it is obvious that i had done things wrongly to sparked such treatments, yet when i try to be more self concious and do things the way which i think they want me to, i dun get any response back. It is always hard to receive forgiveness esp from outsiders. But wat really interest me is that these 3 friends i had a month ago when we moved into this apt now became 3 strangers tat won't even say hi to me!!! wow... tat is really some friends i had there dun ya think??! hahah... nope, i am not trying to speak evil of them. They did things which i am sure they believed to be just and fair. though it make not too much sense to me, i respect their decisions and not for a moment did i do things to GET BACK at them. hmm... actually, i learned alot from them ya noe?! we all need a mirror to make ourselves better ppl. They did not want to be my mirror and point out my mistakes but still, watching the kind of things they did really make me a better person. I always pride myself in being open minded and neva jump to conclusions easily (well... actually i always come to conclusion TOO SLOWLY... hahah) but now, i am even more wary of false assumptions and i always make it a pt to look harder and deeper in another person's position and find out more b4 i make any decision. The mistakes i see my housemates made, are serious warnings for myself that i should neva commit such similar crime. So seriously, rather than hating them or dislike them, i am really grateful to some extend for wat they are doing to me now. though i must say i am still grieving the lost of 3 ppl that i once considered friends. i still respect them, but i noe if i try to be nice and friendly to them will only make them unhappy. so i try my best to keep out of sight to them and keep my mouth shut. hopefully this will lessen their dislike and anger they feel of my presence. hopefully.
Not sure if you guys get wat i meant in the 3 story i told (esp the last one when i tok lotsa rubbish tat probably dun make much sense...). But basically, it is all about appreciation. It is very hurting when a person did something and dun feel appreciated. Worse, the feeling of taken for granted and kind acts being misunderstood n taken advantage of is very very hurting. I am sure tat is exactly how my mom feels when i dun show my appreciation for her hardwork and when she stood there with her bad back ironing my school uniform and all she got was a half hearted "oh. xie xie" said by me and not looking at her at all.
July Fifth was my bday. So it meant extra for me to cook for those dudes at north campus. though i did not tell them, i hope by cooking for them, i shared the joy of celebration with them. It is neva fun celebrating bday alone coz i believe true joy must be one tat is shared. Hopefully i left those guys with happiness and not a bad stomach after the meal... HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAH... HAPPY 20th BDAY TO ME!!!! YIPPEEE!!!!!!!!!!
posted by David at 7/06/2003 01:42:00 AM